My greatest fear
Is not dying alone
It is never being a mother
I've watched my five older siblings
I thought my life would go the same way
Fall in love, get married and start a family
At my age all of my siblings were either married or engaged
But here I am
21 and never been kissed
I've never held a boys hand
I've been on a date twice
And I cry over never being young and pregnant
I hate my existence
I try not to show it
Because it makes people uncomfortable
I love my family
But I hope they do not see
That my envy is brighter than Scheele's green
And just as toxic
poetic License by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
poetic License
People tend to romanticize depression
Because grief sounds so pretty in a poem
And I'm at fault too
But it's not all that poetic
Sometimes it's tired eyes holding back the pressure behind my eyelids because I am in public
Sometimes it's silent tears shed in the changing room because I am overwhelmed by my self loathing
Sometimes it is embarrassment for no real reason, other than just being here
Sometimes it's exhaustion at the end of the day and all I want to do is fall asleep
But my mind is wide awake shouting out every flaw as if it is a game of bingo
And I win every time
Sometimes it's a crushing loneliness
When silence is my onl
When it's overwhelming
People swarm, I'm claustrophobic
Yet I can't leave, so I give to myself a gift
Cresent moons, a covering for my forearm
When people asked
I called it art
I didn't mention the pain
Of how it made me retreat into my head
Away from the world
Gave me a moment
A moment so I could forget
Beyond Rationality by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
Beyond Rationality
I called the sun
And it answered me
I called the moon
And it livened thee
I called the shadows of the past
Felt tendrils to me tightly clasped
I called the nightmares in the dark
And listened as their voices rasped
I called the earth and it's mighty roar
And felt it's rage until the last
I called the fire of the hearth
Used its destruction in a hand held not fast
I called the day
And it shone for thee
I called the night
And let it guide me
The Final Line to Cross by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
The Final Line to Cross
I don't want to start spinning down
Into another downward spiral
But I feel like I might be going
Down
Down
Down
Until there is no ground to touch
Beneath my feet
And I just fall
Into the nothingness
The void that surrounded me
Not so long ago
And I am scared
Scared that I will not be able
To find a way out
That this will be the end
I've been so close to the edge
And now I'm afraid that
If I don't make it to the edge this time
That I'll just fall over
And that will be the curtains call
The full stop at the end of the final chapter
I'm not down
I'm not anxious
I'm just sad
Sadly confused
Confusingly sad
Underwhelmingly overwhelmed
There are no words
Just feelings that should have words
It's outlandish
In the same way it's ordinary
The connections in my brain
Link and then detach
In a way I don't comprehend
Just because you stopped crying
Doesn't mean the pain's left you
I can see it in between the lines
Of fake smiles and pretty lies
The way you hold your head
The cloudy depth in your eyes
Pedantic perfection
That gives away
Chaos in your mind
Fear in the fray
It comes and goes
It seeps into my bones
Fear irrational
Society eclipses
My lack of humanity
Standing on the edge, turned to flee
My hope is secure
My trust sound
Yet my faith lacking
The shadow waiting lies
As the light begins to dawn
Free for now, the countdown launches
Anxiety consumes me
At darknesses apparent lack
Heaviness drains me
So the cycle continues
Round and round it spins
In this isolation I am queen
poetic License by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
poetic License
People tend to romanticize depression
Because grief sounds so pretty in a poem
And I'm at fault too
But it's not all that poetic
Sometimes it's tired eyes holding back the pressure behind my eyelids because I am in public
Sometimes it's silent tears shed in the changing room because I am overwhelmed by my self loathing
Sometimes it is embarrassment for no real reason, other than just being here
Sometimes it's exhaustion at the end of the day and all I want to do is fall asleep
But my mind is wide awake shouting out every flaw as if it is a game of bingo
And I win every time
Sometimes it's a crushing loneliness
When silence is my onl
Have We Already Failed? by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
Have We Already Failed?
You speak of something great,
Of something vast and tall.
But I've begun to wonder,
Have we risen only to fall?
You dream of a future,
Of prosperity without pain.
We're on our way, that's what I believed.
When you said we have nothing to lose only gain.
You cry "It's Begun",
While I feel it draw to a close.
I fear that our tale,
Will never emerge from the shadows.
For in the end,
Are we just fools playing pretend?
The Final Line to Cross by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
The Final Line to Cross
I don't want to start spinning down
Into another downward spiral
But I feel like I might be going
Down
Down
Down
Until there is no ground to touch
Beneath my feet
And I just fall
Into the nothingness
The void that surrounded me
Not so long ago
And I am scared
Scared that I will not be able
To find a way out
That this will be the end
I've been so close to the edge
And now I'm afraid that
If I don't make it to the edge this time
That I'll just fall over
And that will be the curtains call
The full stop at the end of the final chapter
It comes and goes
It seeps into my bones
Fear irrational
Society eclipses
My lack of humanity
Standing on the edge, turned to flee
My hope is secure
My trust sound
Yet my faith lacking
The shadow waiting lies
As the light begins to dawn
Free for now, the countdown launches
Anxiety consumes me
At darknesses apparent lack
Heaviness drains me
So the cycle continues
Round and round it spins
In this isolation I am queen
The pestilence has come
I am lost, you cannot run
From the fury of its hands
nor the death within the lands
For sleep has flown
And I lie anxious alone
In the turbulence of the fire
Lost within my own ire
Woe is thou who stumbles upon
The world from which the shadows come
From there steep the descent
And all that's left is too repent
The Journey to Despair by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
The Journey to Despair
The sun shall fade
And the shadows will always come
But trust me, the darkness isn't so bad
Once you learn to succumb
Is the grass really greener?
Perhaps it's just in your head
But I agree more than you can ever know,
That it is hope that makes us dead
A little villain that crawls so deep
Into places where control doth not dwell
And we praise it.
Not sensing the storm it swells
I cannot offer counsel
I cannot offer comfort
All I can offer is an ear
A gamble to ease your discomfort
The uncertainty is certainty
It will not leave
It is both the cliff and the safety rail
The agony and the reprieve
Have I said too much?
Or are these just
I Am Contradictory by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
I Am Contradictory
I will survive this shattered dream
I will survive this nightmare scene
I will learn to navigate this night
But I am not who I thought I'd be
I'm a burning sun of black ice
A pretty mosaic of sharpened knives
Tale of the Barren North by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
Tale of the Barren North
Where no man doth dwell
Neath an expanse of forsaken sky
Yonder a mighty river's call
The empty lands do lie
Born of heaving waves
Born of old, cold stone
Where blood tends to flow
Freer than water into the earth sewn.
Through the wild winds ever westward walk
O'er fields littered with rock
Ask not of me what I did see
For there many birds of prey did flock
Where swords have clashed
Now armor lies broken
The world turned deaf
To mute the hatred that had been spoken
No life left in borrowed hosts
Who passed down this bloodied road
To find Valhalla, or so they'd hoped
No one left to bear the immeasurable load.
Neath the rain darkened sky
The Memories That Break Us by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
The Memories That Break Us
Though the world still turns,
There're some things that never change.
Because my heart still cries,
When my dreams turn vivid at night.
The sun had risen a long time ago,
But I'm still trapped just before dawn.
Reliving the memories that burn and freeze,
Not even my umbrella can shield me from
Our spirits entwined still lie,
Regardless of our separate roads.
From past to future each others burdens we'd gladly carry,
So when did we give up on ourselves?
The sky's still blue and the grass's still green.
How can the world still be the same?
You still smile but it's not quite as real.
I still sing, but my voice is suspect to crack.
A One Eyed King by WanderingInMyOwnMind, literature
Literature
A One Eyed King
Out of the darkness
And into the light
I promised you nothing
I said I wouldn't fight
Those broken walls behind you
Only remnants of your past
I can't bring them back for you
Don't forget from the fire I was cast
Though sky bathed in bluest bright
Once lustrous gleams, now worn
Sorrow and destruction I'll mull
Gazing at the world we'd borne
They were never supposed to hurt you
But you were the flame and moths were drawn
Salt's still on my lips from when you fell
Do you regret mending my broken crown?
I was always prone to wander
Where'ere the storms arose
Now by the damage I'm weathered
This soul, left to the ice froze
There are many leaders who favor speeches.
Long-winded rhetorics blasting an endless sea of metaphors and similes.
And therein lies the difference of quality.
Your leaders use a speech to reach the hearts of their people.
I use a blade.
This never ending pain
Is going to be the death of me
There's no reason for it
Really I should be happy
This pain has no routine
It comes and goes at random
When it comes, it holds me at gunpoint
And demands no ransom
There is no way to shake it off
It's like a puzzle piece that won't fit
It's like a bone chilling scream
But only you can hear it
And no one ever really understands
Or at least that's how it seems
And no one ever really cares
At least that's what it makes you believe
The doctors
They just prescribe you drugs
But they don't understand
That the drugs only make you numb
Or maybe they do
And that's the whole point
But if